A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah, but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith. To remedy this, he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later the young man returned home “Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our fathers,” the son said. “It was wonderful and enlightening; however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to Christianity.”
“Oi vey,” replied the father, “what have I done?” So, in the tradition of the patriarchs, he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace.
“It is amazing that you should come to me,” stated his friend. “I, too, sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian.”
So in the tradition of the patriarchs, they went to the Rabbi. “It is amazing that you should come to me,” stated the Rabbi. “I, too, sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons? Brothers, we must take this to the Lord,” said the Rabbi.
They fell to their knees and began to wail and pour our their hearts to the Almighty. As they prayed, the clouds above opened and a mighty voice said, “Amazing that you should come to me. I, too, sent my Son to Israel….”
Did you hear about the new program on CBS’s Cable Channel-“Jewish Survivor”? Eighteen Jews are put in a two bedroom non-Rent Controlled Apartment (not a sublet) on the Upper West Side of New York. Each week they vote out one of the Tribe until there is a survivor who gets a $1 million trust fund.
Jewish Survivor Rules:
- No maid service
- No use of ATM’s or Credit Card – cash only.
- No food from Carry out or delivery.
All purchases must be retail.
- No calls to mother for women or businesses for men.
- Any trip outside the apartment can only be by foot, bus or subway – no limos or cabs
All workouts/exercise must be done in regular sweats – no designer labels allowed — oops I forgot exercise must be more than channel changing.
- Nothing from Zabars allowed.
- No Jewish Geography.
- TV allowed but no cable.
- No New York Times only New York Post.
- On Jewish Holidays Tribe members can take day off but must actually go to shul.
- Any member checking on stock market investments immediately excluded.
- Team members must construct their own furniture with only a hammer saw and nails – no Pottery Barn catalogs allowed.
- Team members must dress for all meals – they must of course do their own nails, hair and makeup however an emergency stylist and manicurist is on call for bad hair days and nail emergencies (limited to one visit per Tribesman per week).
- There is only one phone line for all eighteen Tribe members and no call can last more than 3 minutes.
- All maintenance problems must be resolved by the Tribe without help from any gentile or from the building superintendent if by chance he is a member of the tribe (small t).