Instructions: Measure patient’s response to these statements:

• I salivate at the sight of mittens.
• My father was a good woman.
• My sex life is A-OK.
• I believe in afterbirth.
• I often lie to make myself obnoxious.
• I prefer spiders to lima beans.
• Chiclets make me sweat.
• Often, I think I am a special agent of Billy Graham.
• I become homicidal when people try to reason with me.
• Sometimes I feel I am persecuting somebody.
• Policemen love me.
• I have never been able to put a bagel into overdrive.
• Boredom excites me.
• My mother was Erik the Red.
• Eggplants make me blush.
• Cannibalism is a small price to pay for popularity.
• Weeping brings tears to my eyes.
• I believe I smell as good as most people.
• Halitosis is part of my style.
• I would never tell my nickname in a crisis.
• I always let people get ahead of me at swimming pools.
• I have taken shoe polish to excess.
• God rarely answers my letters.
• As a child I often suffered from bubonic plague.
• I always cut my hair with an emery board.
• Sitting in the glove compartment makes me claustrophobic.
• My nose has suddenly gone blank.
• It is hard for me to find the right thing to say when I find myself in a room full of cockroaches.
• Most people do not know how to behave in a massacre.
• I am afraid of finding myself in a drawer or some other compromising place.
• I am not threatened by people who want to put my tongue in a paper punch.
• I am tired of being elected President.
• I believe in Cincinnati.
• My parents always faced catastrophes with a song.
• I think oatmeal is erotic.
• I have an uncontrollable urge to fondle other people’s teeth.
• My tonsils frequently come when I whistle.
• I am piqued when I find a rhinoceros in my bed.
• The three greatest men who ever lived were Eleanor Roosevelt.
• Sometimes I believe someone is trying to take over my stomach.
• I believe there is a plot to make me happy.
• When I look down from a high place I want to spit.
• I am often bothered by thoughts of sex while having intercourse.
• Most of the time I go to sleep without saying “good-bye.”