Tag Archives: game shows

Remembering the Hollywood Squares

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If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, these tidbits may bring tears of joy to your eyes!

  • Q. Do female frogs croak?
    A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

  • Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
    A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

  • Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
    A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

  • Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
    A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

  • Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?
    A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

  • Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
    A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

  • Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say “I Love You”?
    A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

  • Q. What are “Do It,” “I Can Help,” and “I Can’t Get Enough”?
    A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

  • Q. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
    A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

  • Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
    A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries!

  • Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
    A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

  • Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.One is politics, what is the other?
    A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

  • Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
    A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.

  • Q. Can boys join the Campfire Girls?
    A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

  • Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
    A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

  • Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
    A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army.

  • Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
    A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn’t neglected.

  • Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
    A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

  • Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
    A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

  • Q. When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
    A. Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

  • Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
    A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

  • Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
    A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh!!!

And Now, for $50,000…

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Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $50,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the host that he desired a question on American History.

The big night arrived. Bob made his way onstage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The host stepped up to the mike.

“Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $50,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?”

Bob nodded with a cocky confidence — the crowd went nuts. He hadn’t missed a question all week.

“Bob, yours is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?”

Bob was becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn’t believe it, but he was not sure, but American History was his easiest subject, and he played it safe.

“I’ll try the easier part first.”

The MC nodded approvingly. “Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half.”

The audience grew silent with gross anticipation…

“Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?”

Rejected Game Show Titles

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  • The Bong Show
  • Whose Pants Are These, Anyway?
  • Iron Fry Cook
  • Dating Game v6.05 — Techies attempt to impress dates by answering unsolved help desk questions.
  • “Who” or “Whom”?
  • To Tell the Precisely Defined, Legally Defensible, Lawyer-Approved, Carefully Chosen Truth
  • Bowling for Gum
  • Kathie Lee Gifford’s “Who Wants To Make 50 Cents An Hour?”
  • Leper-dy!
  • Wheel of Fortran
  • First Family Feud
  • Who Wants To Be A Prison Bitch?
  • Let’s Bake A Veal
  • Win Ben Stein’s Undies