Things You Don’t Want To Hear in a Department Store

  • “You want to use the fitting room or try this on at my place?”
  • “Check it out — this one’s good for hiding body parts.”
  • “You know how we can offer such low prices? We buy direct from Wal-Mart!”
  • “Try our new scent — it makes you smell just like Regis.”
  • “Last night after work I got lucky on this couch.”
  • “Can I take a picture of your feet for my web site?”
  • “I live in a dark, greasy space under the escalator.”
  • “For today only, you can pay for your purchases with hugs”
  • “Have you seen a chimp in boys’ overalls?”
  • “If you’re interested, I sell the same junk out of my van, half-price”