- A Christian Democrat
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
- A Socialist
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
- A Republican
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
- A Democrat
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You
vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
- A Communist
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
- A Fascist
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
- Democracy, American Style
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
- Capitalism, American Style
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
- Bureaucracy, American Style
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
- An American Corporation
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
- A French Corporation
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
- A Japanese Corporation
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
- A German Corporation
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
- An Italian Corporation
You have two cows but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.
- A Russian Corporation
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
- An Indian Corporation
You have two cows. You worship them.
- A Mexican Corporation
You think you have two cows, but you don’t know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.
- A Swiss Corporation
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.
- A Brazilian Corporation
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows, and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
- Wake up in a happy mooo-d.
- Don’t cry over spilled milk.
- When chewing your cud, remember: There’s no fat, no calories, no cholesterol, and no taste!
- The grass is green on the other side of the fence.
- Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on.
- Seize every opportunity and milk it for all its worth!
- It’s better to be seen and not herd.
- Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder relatives.
- Never take any bull from anybody.
- Always let them know who’s the bossy.
- Stepping on cowpies brings good luck.
- Black and white is always an appropriate fashion statement.
- Don’t forget to cow-nt your blessings every day.
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