- It’s enjoyable hard or soft.
- It makes a mess too, but it tastes better.
- It doesn’t mind if you take your anger out on it.
- You always want to swallow.
- It won’t complain if you share it with friends.
- It’s “quick and convenient”.
- You can enjoy it more than once.
- It comes already protectively wrapped.
- You can make it as large as you want.
- If you don’t finish it you can save it for later.
- It’s easier to get the kind you want.
- You can comparison shop.
- It’s easier to find in a grocery store.
- You can put it away when you’ve had enough.
- You know yours has never been eaten before.
- It won’t complain if you chew on it.
- It comes chocolate flavored.
- You always know when to get rid of it.
- You can return it–satisfaction is guaranteed.
- It’s always ready to go.
- You won’t get arrested if you eat it in public.
- You don’t have to change the sheets if you eat it in bed.
- It won’t wake you up because it’s hard.
- You don’t have to find an excuse not to eat it.
- You can tell your friends how much you’ve eaten without sounding like you’re bragging.
- It won’t take up room in your bed.
- It’s easy to pick up.
- You never have unwanted cookie dough chasing you around.
- You know what the extra weight is from.
- It won’t get jealous if you pick up another one.
- It never has an insecurity problem with its size.
- It is very pliable.
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