- When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.
- Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
- The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.
- Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
- Always look both ways when running a red light.
- Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in.
- Making eye contact revokes your right of way.
- Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed up, honk or yell obscenities loudly and chase him back upon the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.
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