Rules for Driving in Big Cities

  • When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.
  • Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
  • The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.
  • Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
  • Always look both ways when running a red light.
  • Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in.
  • Making eye contact revokes your right of way.
  • Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed up, honk or yell obscenities loudly and chase him back upon the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.