You’re from Buffalo, New York If….

  • You refer to downtown Buffalo as “The City”
  • “Vacation” means going to Allegheny for the week.
  • You measure distance in hours.
  • You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
  • You’ve used your back porch or the trunk of your car as a fridge/deep freeze. (Ahhh, winter…)
  • You often switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
  • You use a down comforter in the summer.
  • You drive at 65 mph through a raging blizzard, without flinching.
  • People say they live in Buffalo when their mailing address is West Seneca.
  • You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave both unlocked.
  • There is a mini mall every 1/4 mile; if not, you’re in Niagara County.
  • You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them.
  • There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Wegman’s at any given time.
  • You design your grandkid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  • Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
  • You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
  • You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, construction.
  • It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you’re in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
  • You know to avoid tractor trailers 190 with Canadian Plates.
  • It’s POP DAMMIT! And people who call it Soda make you want to slap them.
  • You don’t consider what Domino’s or Pizza Hut sell as real Pizza.
  • You know that ‘First Night’ isn’t a Sean Connery movie.
  • There is no such thing as waiting for the left turn arrow at an intersection.
  • Your career ambition is to work for NY State.
  • Even with the slightest threat of snow, you know that only the Buffalo City schools are closed.
  • There is nothing International about Buffalo’s Airport.
  • You can spell and say ‘Cheektowaga’ and ‘Lackawanna.’
  • You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Upstate NY.

The Buffalo Theory

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.