Revelations in Barbara Walters’ Interview with Monica

  • She just did it all to meet Roger Clinton.
  • “Bill CLINTON?!? All this time, I thought they were saying Bill *CLIFTON*, this guy I met at Starbucks! Hey, everybody, never mind, okay? My bad.”
  • Deal with Ken Starr included private “oral deposition” and “lap dance for immunity.”
  • Monica admits the President’s DNA was on that blue dress, but she swears the stain was already there when she borrowed the dress from George Stephanopoulos.
  • The President was really sorry there wasn’t more room under his desk for snuggling.
  • While in the throes of passion, Bill promised Monica Delaware and Rhode Island.
  • The most powerful man on the planet is deathly afraid of teeth.
  • She never actually wore a thong; her size 14 ass just made it look that way.
  • It’s damn near impossible to say “fellatio” without an “L” sound.
  • There’s a 200-year-old collection of Presidential chewing gum under the Oval Office desk.
  • Pet name for the Presidential appendage: “Little Rock”
  • Things really got confusing when the president suggested she, “Take a trip to Mount Vernon.”
  • She’s a vapid, brainless dullard desperate for any pitiful shred of media exposure. And we learn some things about Monica as well.