Regulations for Hunting Attorneys

Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys PC 370.00

  • 370.01 Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport (non-commercial) purposes.
  • 370.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or dead-falls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.
  • 370.03 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside, and
    the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.
  • 370.04 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.
  • 370.05 It is unlawful to shout, “WHIPLASH”, “AMBULANCE”, or “FREE SCOTCH” for the purposes of trapping attorneys.
  • 370.06 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoon.
  • 370.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels.
  • 370.08 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or possess the same.
  • 370.09 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter, accident victim, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
  • 370.10 Bag and Possession Limits per day:
    • Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2;
    • Two-faced tortfeasors, 1;
    • Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3;
    • Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2;
    • Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4.
    • Honest attorneys protected (Endangered Species Act).
  • ARS 8007.21 It is illegal to take attorneys with a moving vehicle unless there are no measurable skid marks at the kill site.