• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a garbage truck at 100 yards.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a jerk.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what ever happened to your pants anyway.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can’t remember).
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named “Psycho.”
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you’re invisible (or invincible).
• WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

Due to increasing product liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all containers:

• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees, and lower back.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
• WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy