Internet Technical Support

  • A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was “running it under Windows.”
    The woman responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine.”
  • Tech Support: “How much free space do you have on your hard drive?”
    Customer: “Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded 10 hours of free space. Is that enough?”
  • Tech Support: “Ok Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.”
    Customer: “I don’t have a ‘P’.”
    Tech Support: “On your keyboard, Bob.”
    Customer: “What do you mean?”
    Tech Support: “‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob.”
    Customer: “I’m not going to do that!”
  • Overheard in a computer shop:
    Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.”
    Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we’ve got a large variety.”
    Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”
  • I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
  • Customer: “Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?”
  • I work for a local ISP. Frequently, we receive phone calls that go something like this:
    Customer: “Hi. Is this the Internet?”
  • Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to “The Internet.”
  • Customer: “So that’ll get me connected to the Internet, right?”
    Tech Support: “Yeah.”
    Customer: “And that’s the latest version of the Internet, right?”
    Tech Support: “Uhh…uh…uh…yeah.”
  • Tech Support: “All right…now double-click on the File Manager icon.”
    Customer: “That’s why I hate this Windows – because of the icon. I’m a Protestant, and I don’t believe in icons.”
    Tech Support: “Well, that’s just an industry term sir. I don’t believe it was meant to-”
    Customer: “I don’t care about any ‘Industry Terms’. I don’t believe in icons.”
    Tech Support: “Well why don’t you click on the ‘little picture’ of a file cabinet? Is ‘little picture’ ok?”
    Customer: [click]
  • Customer: “My computer crashed!”
    Tech Support: “It crashed?”
    Customer: “Yeah, it won’t let me play my game.”
    Tech Support: “All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.”
    Customer: “No, it didn’t crash – it crashed.”
    Tech Support: “Huh?”
    Customer: “I crashed my game. That’s what I said before. Now it doesn’t work.”
    Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his spaceship.
    Tech Support: “Click on ‘File,’ then ‘New Game.'”
    Customer: [pause] “Wow! How’d you learn how to do that?”