About That Glass Next to the Keyboard

I’m sure you’ve heard the old story referring to optimism and pessimism that is determined by whther you think the glass is half-empty or half-full. Here are the reactions when somebody leaves a half glass of milk next to the keyboard.

  • Optimist:
    The glass is half full.
  • Pessimist:
    The glass is half empty.
  • Apple Computer:
    You guys really oughta be drinking Perrier.
  • Assembly programmers:
    No thanks; I drink straight from the cow.
  • Basic programmers:
    No thanks; I’m still breast feeding.
  • Bill Gates:
    Not enough market share to be Microsoft Milk.
  • C Programmers:
    No thanks; I drink straight from the jug.
  • CIA:
    What makes you think that’s milk?
  • National news media:
    Hey, we wanted OJ!
  • Non-procedural language programmers:
    I drank it when nobody was looking.
  • NSA:
    We know what it really is.
  • Paranoid:
    Here is a glass just sitting here. Why? Who put it here?
    WHY WHY WHY!!! SOMEONE IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!
  • Pascal programmers:
    Well, what type of milk is it?
  • Pentium users:
    I drank Glass * .49999999 . . . but don’t hold me to that.
  • Prolog programmers:
    I know I drank it – just don’t ask me how.
  • Copy protection crazies:
    Somebody drank half my milk and didn’t pay for it!
  • Faith-healer:
    If we worship it, it will feel better.
  • Feminist:
    How come HIS glass is bigger than MINE?
  • Free Software Foundation:
    That milk is the cow’s contribution to all mankind!
  • Futurist:
    The milk’s in the wrong half of the glass.
  • Fuzzy logic guys:
    I may or may not have drunk some part of that milk.
  • IBM:
    Rent the glass from us and we’ll fill it with something we know is
    good for you.
  • Idealist:
    In a decent world, this glass would be filled to the brim and big
    enough for everyone to enjoy.
  • IRS:
    Thanks for getting your milk witholding correct this year.
  • Mac users:
    Where’s my pump?
  • MIS:
    I’LL DRINK IT IF YOU CAN GIVE ME UNTIL NEXT YEAR.
  • Schroedinger:
    That stupid cat got into the milk again!
  • Security consultant:
    Where’d the rest of the milk go?
  • Shareware game author:
    That glass is free; the next one you have to pay for.
  • UI designers:
    What’s that crap in my glass?
  • UNIX users:
    Nahh … too easy.
  • Windows users:
    Where’s my straw?