Report Card Comments Teachers Would Love to Use

  • Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
  • I would not allow this student to breed.
  • This student has delusions of adequacy.
  • This student is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
  • This student sets low standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
  • The student has a “full six-pack” but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
  • Student has been working with glue too much.
  • When the student’s IQ reaches 50, he/she should sell.
  • Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
  • If this student were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
  • It’s hard to believe the sperm that created this student beat out 1,000,000 others.
  • The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.
  • Your child is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
  • If your child had two brain cells, they’d kill each other.