Arizona State University Grading System

This is a list of the ways that professors at Arizona State University grade their final exams:

  • Department of Statistics
    All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
  • Department of Psychology
    Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
  • Department of History
    All students get the same grade they got last year.
  • Department of Religion
    Grade is determined by God.
  • Department of Philosophy
    What is a grade?
  • English Department
    Your final exam will be scored by totaling the weight of all the books you read this semester:

      40+ pounds – A
      30 pounds – B
      20 pounds – C
      10 pounds – D
      <10 pounds – F
  • Law School
    Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
  • Department of Mathematics
    Grades are variable.
  • Department of Physics
    Grades are relative. but…
    All theoretical physics is really mathematics. See Above.
  • Department of Chemistry
    All theoretical chemistry is really physics. See Above.
  • Department of Biology
    All theoretical biology is really chemistry. See Above.
  • Department of Logic
    If and only if
       the student is present for the final
       the student has accumulated a passing grade
       the student will receive an A
       the student will not receive an A.
  • Department of Marxist Studies:
    The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles. Therefore, everyone will now get the same grade!
  • Department of Economics:
    All of your grades, as a collection, will reach the level where your marginal product (MP) of labor for each individual grade is equal.
  • Department of Operations & Logistics Management
    Grades will be posted *at* 12:00 Noon. NOT 11:59 — NOT 12:01
  • Department of Computer Science
    Random number generator determines grade, but… YOUR grade is an object in a class of its own.
  • Music Department
    Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and – would be sharp and flat respectively).