- Goes from 22 hours of happy-go-lucky, kittenish sleep per day to 21 hours of restless, fitful sleep per day.
- All he wants to do is watch “Catlock.”
- Tries to cash in her 8th life insurance policy for a kilo of catnip.
- Last year: Went a-courtin’ carrying a “pencil full o’ lead.”
This year: Goes a-courtin’ carrying a 9 Lives tuna casserole.
- Bitches non-stop about the “bankrupt moral values of kittens these days.”
- Trades in his Whiskas for prune-flavored Whippasnappas.
- “You call this catnip? Hell, I remember back in the ’80s, I once scored some Meowie Wowie that would knock your friggin’ claws off…”
- Instead of shredding your drapes, she sub-contracts the job.
- Writes “Put me to sleep” in its litter box with pee.
- When you strap a piece of buttered toast to her back and drop her, she lands on her hip.
- Stops leaving dead mice on doormats; starts leaving bingo cards.
- Spends all day on the front porch, yelling at the squirrels to get the hell out of his yard.
- Occasionally forgets to ignore you.
- Instead of swaggering up to you and dropping dead mice at your feet, he drives up in his Rascal and pulls them out of the saddlebag.
- Has to drink a whole bottle of Rogaine just to cough up one hairball.
- While his younger friends are out chasing mice, he claims a moral victory in catching the elusive dust bunny.
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