Customer Service with a Smile

  • Customer: “Excuse me, do you know where the thingamabobers are?”
    Employee: “Yea, by the whatchamacallits on aisle 6.”
  • Customer: “Do you carry Ink Eradicators? All of the other places do.”
    Employee: “I think so. I saw ’em by the Ink Accelerators on aisle 4.”
  • Customer: “Wheres the thin plastic strips with sticky stuff on the back that you stick things to other things with?”
    Employee: “Hmm… that’s a tough one… The closest we have is tape.”
  • Customer: “Can you help me find something?”
    Employee: “Nope! I’m going to stand here and laugh at you a bit more…”
  • Customer: “Excuse me. Do you work here?”
    Employee: “Oh… Sorry. I just dress up like this five days a week because I like messing with people’s minds…”
  • Customer: “Excuse me. Do you look like you work here?”
    Employee: “(no comment)”
  • Customer: “Do you work here?”
    Employee: “Only when the boss is around.”
  • Customer: “Where are the little flat black things you put in computers?”
    Employee: “Hmm. I think they are in the computer section next to the disks.”
  • Customer: “I’m having trouble with my computers coffee holder. Do you carry replacements?”
    Employee: (commits hari-kari on the spot)
  • Customer: “This item doesn’t have a price on it. Does that mean it’s free?”
    Employee: “Yes. That’s one of the items we paid with “free money” with.”
  • Customer: “This doesn’t have a price on it. Does that mean it’s free?
    Employee: “No, that means I get to make up a price. It’s $150.00”
  • Customer: “Excuse me. Is there a manager in this store?”
    Employee: “Nope. Sorry, we only have someone with a “Manager” name tag on to throw people off.”
  • Customer: “Can I open this?”
    Employee: “Sure. I’m sure it’s different on the inside of the clear wrapping.”
  • Customer: “Do you have a shopping cart?”
    Employee: “I think so. Let me look in my pocket. Oh! We moved em out to the parking lot!”
  • Customer: (referring to a cashier): “Are you open?”
    Employee: “No, sorry. I’m just standing here because people are giving me money. Why stop a bad thing. OH! maybe I will turn this light off with the big number on it next to this cash register…”
  • Customer: “Does this printer print in black?”
    Employee: “Yea, but you have to buy the white extra.”
  • Customer: “I am looking for something to plug into the back of my computer that lets me use my fax, scanner, printer, copier, and 4-in-1 multi-function machine at the same time.”
    Employee: “Yea! We have lots of those! Right through that big glass door by the entrance. Don’t be confused by that ‘Exit’ sign.”
  • Customer: “Excuse me. Do you sell these shelves?”
    Employee: “Only with all the items on it. Do you want these price tags too? They’re extra, though.”
  • Customer: “Is this new computer Y2K compliant?”
    Employee: “No, sorry. We just received our new 1900 models. We can put your name on the list so we can sell you the new 2K models 100 years from now…”
  • Customer: “Can you give me a discount on this?”
    Employee: “Yea, that’s why we have those little stickers with prices on em on everything.”
  • Customer: “My computer isn’t working. Do you know why?”
    Employee: “Oh, sorry. I don’t have ESP. Let me transfer you to our ESP Technician department.”
  • Customer: “Do you carry pencils?”
    Employee: “No, I’m sorry. This is an office supply store only. We don’t carry pencils; or pens for that matter.”
  • Customer: “Do you have a bathroom here?”
    Employee: “No, sorry. We all piss in our pants when we need to go.”
  • Customer: Do you know where the hardware department is?
    Employee: Yes I do.
    Customer: Well, could you tell me where it is?
    Employee: I sure could. Would you like me to?