The Cats’ Bill of Rights

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By Mark Mason
Cat Diary
www.catdiary.com

Only the wonderful mind of Chance could have dreamed this one up… and given it to the Big Owner!

  • Humans shall make no law respecting an establishment of boundaries or prohibiting the free exercise therein, or abridging the freedom of access, or the right to peaceful assembly.In other words: The cat is entitled to go outside anytime s/he wants.
  • A well-carried provisional chamber, being necessary to the fulfillment of a feline’s whims, shall not be infringed.In other words: The cat is entitled to EAT anytime s/he wants.
  • The right of the feline to be secure in their domain, and effects, against unreasonable discomposure, shall not be violated.In other words: The cat is entitled to SLEEP anytime s/he wants.
  • Humans shall issue no warrants or decrees or edicts as prescribed to the demarcation of possessions or property which are in direct conflict with right of life, liberty, and the pursuit of feline affirmation.In other words: The cat is entitled to sleep ANYWHERE s/he wants.
  • The feline shall be immune to all criminal accusations, indictments, and complaints. The accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and impartial dismissal of any and all charges provided said feline’s compulsory right to obtain any or all witnesses, including character witnesses, are obtained in his favor.In other words: Cats can do anything they want as long as they’re cute.
  • Neither serfdom, vassalage, or involuntary servitude will be tolerated, except by said cats in proprietorship of their humans.In other words: What I say goes. (And I can sleep on your face…)
  • No Canis familiaris shall, in time of peace or at any other time, be quartered in any dwelling without the consent of the potentate, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by sovereign.In other words: No dogs in the house without my permission.
  • The right of the feline to be protected against unreasonable search and seizures shall not be breached or infringed upon at any time or any
    place.In other words: Don’t disturb me when I am sleeping in a drawer.

Now that you are laughing hysterically, you need to get right on over to The Cat Diary for more of the wit and wisdom of Sam, Chance, and that new kid on the block Mars. The Big Owner (Mark Mason) has delighted audiences for years with his stories. Read his site.. buy his books! Great gifts!!