- There’s no “Kathy Lee Gifford Hanukkah Special.”
- Eight days of presents (well… in theory, anyway).
- More elephants in the Hanukkah story.
- No need to clean the chimney.
- There’s no latke-nog.
- No roof damage from reindeer.
- Dance of the Sugar-Plum Rebbe.
- Burl Ives doesn’t sing Hanukkah songs.
- Never a silent night when you’re among your Jewish loved ones.
- You won’t be pressured to buy Hanukkah Seals.
- Betting Hanukkah gelt (money) on candle races.
- You won’t see, “You’re a Putz, Charlie Brown.”
- Yes, Rivka’le, there is no Santa Claus.
- No barking dog version of “I had a Little Dreidel.”
- Naked spin-the-dreidel games.
- No pine needles to vacuum up afterwards.
- Fun waxy buildup.
- No awkward explanations of virgin birth.
- Latkes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.
- Cheer optional.
- No Irving Berlin songs.
- You can’t be nailed to the menorah.
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