The Dichotomy of Jewish Mothers

  • On the first night of Chanukah, my Jewish mother said,
    “You’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
  • On the second night of Chanukah, my mother said to me,
    “Have a few more latkes, but
    you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
  • On the third night of Chanukah, my mother said to me,
    “Here’s your chocolate dreidel,
    have a few more latkes, but
    you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
  • On the fourth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me,
    “Taste my sugar cookies,
    here’s your chocolate dreidel,
    have a few more latkes, but
    you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
  • On the fifth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me,
    “YOU’RE GETTING FAT!
    taste my sugar cookies,
    here’s your chocolate dreidel,
    have a few more latkes, but
    you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
  • On the sixth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me,
    “Don’t you like the doughnuts?
    YOU’RE GETTING FAT!
    taste my sugar cookies,
    here’s your chocolate dreidel,
    have a few more latkes, but
    you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
  • On the seventh night of Chanukah, my mother said to me,
    “Take another brownie,
    YOU’RE GETTING FAT!
    taste my sugar cookies,
    here’s your chocolate dreidel,
    have a few more latkes, but
    you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
  • On the eighth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me,
    “Try my home-made strudel,
    take another brownie,
    YOU’RE GETTING FAT!
    taste my sugar cookies,
    here’s your chocolate dreidel,
    have a few more latkes, but
    you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”