Signs You Are in the Wrong Church

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  • The church bus has gun racks.
  • The church staff consists of senior pastor, associate pastor and sociopastor.
  • The Bible they use is the Dr. Seuss version.
  • There is an ATM in the lobby.
  • The choir wears leather robes.
  • The worship services are B.Y.O.S. (bring your own snake).
  • There’s no cover charge but communion is a two-drink minimum.
  • The pastor regularly attends meetings in Las Vegas and Atlantic City.
  • The ushers ask, “Smoking or non-smoking?”
  • The Women’s Quartet are all married to the pastor.