Does your church practice “Football Christianity”?
- Backfield in Motion: Making two or three trips outside the Church during Mass.
– OR – Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.
- Bench warmer: An inactive church member.
– OR – Those whose only participation is their attendance at Sunday Mass.
– OR – Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.
- The Blitz: The mad stampede for the doors as the Iconastasis doors are closed.
– OR – The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.
- Blocking: Standing inside the church door complaining to the pastor about the sermon.
- Extra point: What you receive when you tell the preacher the sermon was too short.
- Draft choice: Choose a seat near the back door.
- Draw Play: What many children (and not a few adults) do with their bulletins during Mass.
- End Run: Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.
- Flex Defense: The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.
- Fumble: A lousy sermon.
- Halfback Option: The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.
- Halftime: The Choir Anthem/Offertory
– OR – The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave
- Illegal motion: Leaving before the benediction.
- Instant Replay: The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week’s illustrations.
- Quarterback sneak: Sunday school teachers entering the church building five minutes after Sunday school begins.
– OR – People who leave Mass before it’s over without grave reason.
- Stay in the Pocket: What happens to a lot of money that ought to go to the Church.
- Sudden Death: The penalty to the priest who preaches more than twenty minutes.
- Trap: You’re called on to pray and are asleep.
- Two-minute warning: The chairman of the board sitting in a front-row pew, taking a look at his watch in full view of the preacher.
– OR – The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.