How to Annoy Someone in the Bathroom

  • Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, “May I borrow a highlighter?”
  • Say, “Uh oh, I knew I shouldn’t have put my lips on that.”
  • Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
  • Say, “Damn, this water’s cold.”
  • Drop a marble and say, “Oh shit! My glass eye!”
  • Say, “Hmmm, I’ve never seen that color before.”
  • Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
  • Say, “Now how did that get there?”
  • Say, “Humus. Reminds me of humus.”
  • Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, “Whoa! Easy boy!”
  • Say, “Interesting… more floaters than sinkers.”
  • Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, “Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?”
  • Say, “C’mon Mr. Happy! Don’t fall asleep on me.”
  • Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.
  • Say, “Boy, that sure looks like a maggot.”
  • Say, “Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?”
  • Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
  • Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your “Cross-Dressers Anonymous” newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
  • Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, “Peek-a-boo!”
  • Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing “Born Free”.