Idle Thoughts

  • Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  • There is always one more son-of-a-bitch than you counted on.
  • If you find something you like, buy a lifetime supply, because they will stop making it.
  • All things equal, fat people use more soap.
  • You can’t tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
  • Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a tough battle.
  • This is as bad as it can get, but don’t bet on it.
  • There is no substitute for genuine lack of preparation.
  • By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
  • Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
  • Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  • Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
  • The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
  • The world gets a little better every day and worse in the evening.
  • The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
  • No one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
  • Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
  • Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
  • The other line always moves faster until you get in it.
  • Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
  • Everything should be made as simple as possible but no simpler.
  • Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate.
  • It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.
  • I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
  • To live forever, acquire a chronic disease and take care of it.
  • Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
  • If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
  • One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
  • The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.