- Indecision is the key to flexibility.
- There is always one more son-of-a-bitch than you counted on.
- If you find something you like, buy a lifetime supply, because they will stop making it.
- All things equal, fat people use more soap.
- You can’t tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
- Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a tough battle.
- This is as bad as it can get, but don’t bet on it.
- There is no substitute for genuine lack of preparation.
- By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
- Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
- Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
- Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
- The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
- The world gets a little better every day and worse in the evening.
- The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
- No one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
- Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
- Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
- The other line always moves faster until you get in it.
- Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
- Everything should be made as simple as possible but no simpler.
- Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate.
- It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.
- I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
- To live forever, acquire a chronic disease and take care of it.
- Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
- If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
- If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
- One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
- The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
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