Signs Your Car Needs Cleaning

  • Your beautiful new VW Beetle is constantly being mistaken for the Oscar Meyer Turdmobile.
  • On the way to the fishin’ hole, Andy and Opie stop by your windshield for bait.
  • Greenpeace won’t let you move the car for fear of displacing some dung beetles that have taken up residence.
  • Neighborhood kids offer: “Mow your Volvo, sir?”
  • Your pine tree air freshener is now a protected old growth forest.
  • Satellite photos reveal crop circles on your roof.
  • “Wash Me” appears on your trunk — chiseled with a jackhammer.
  • Impossible to drive with the kids always clamoring to have a look through the periscope.
  • Your “cell phone antenna” is really a sapling which took root.
  • Kids write “PLOW ME!” on your trunk.
  • When you blow the horn, prairie dogs pop up from the hood.