Signs You’be Been in London Too Long

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  • You say ‘mate’ constantly.
  • You think it is perfectly normal to pay over £3 for a pint.
  • Anyone not from London is a ‘wanker’.
  • Anyone from outside London and north of the Watford Gap is a ‘Northern Wanker’.
  • You have no idea where the North is.
  • You see All Saints in the Met Bar (again) and find it hard to get excited about it.
  • The countryside makes you nervous.
  • Somebody speaks to you on the tube and you freak out thinking they are a stalker.
  • American tourists no longer annoy you.
  • You talk in postcodes. “God, it was really warm round SW1 the other day”.
  • You can’t remember the last time you got up to 30 mph in your car in the city.
  • You didn’t realise that ‘Paddington Green’ is REAL.