Measuring the Cold

  • +60/+15 C
    Californians put on sweaters.
    Coloradans put on shorts.
    People in Span wear winter coats and gloves.
    Finns are out in the sun, getting a tan.
  • +50/+10 C
    Miami residents turn on the heat.
    Californians break out the heavy winter coats, hats, and gloves.
    The French are trying in vain to start their central heating.
    The Finns plant flowers in their gardens.
  • +45/+7 C
    Vermont residents go to outdoor concert.
  • +40/+5 C
    You can see your breath.
    Californians shiver uncontrollably.
    Minnesoootans go swimming.
    Coloradans might break out a light jacket.
    Finns are out cruising in cabriolets
  • +35
    Italian cars don’t start.
  • +32/+0 C
    Water freezes.
  • +30
    You plan your vacation in Australia.
    Californians weep pitiably.
  • +25/-5 C
    Ohio water freezes.
    People in California almost freeze to death.
    Minnesoootans eat ice cream.
    Canadians go swimming.
    Coloradans will wear that jacket, and maybe gloves.
    The Finns have their final barbeque before winter.
  • +20
    Politicians begin to talk about the homeless.
    New York City water freezes.
    Miami residents plan vacation further south.
  • +15/-10 C
    French cars don’t start.
    Cat insists on sleeping with you.
    The British start the heat in their houses.
    The Finns start using long sleeves.
  • +10
    You need jumper cables to get the car going.
  • +5/-15 C
    American cars don’t start.
  • 0/-18 C
    Alaskans put on T-shirts.
    Coloradans admit it is cold.
    The Aussies flee from Mallorca.
    The Finns end their Midsummer celebrations.
  • -10/-23 C
    German cars don’t start.
    Eyes freeze shut when you blink.
  • -15/-26 C
    You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
    Arkansans stick tongues on metal objects.
    Miami residents cease to exist.
  • -20/-29 C
    Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you.
    Politicians actually do something about the homeless.
    Minnesoootans shovel snow off roof.
    Japanese cars don’t start.
  • -25/-32 C
    Too cold to think.
    You need jumper cables to get the driver going.
    People in Greece die from the cold.
    The Finns start drying their laundry indoors.
  • -30/-34 C
    You plan a two week hot bath.
    Swedish cars don’t start.
  • -40/-40 C
    Californians disappear.
    Minnesoootans button top button.
    Canadians put on sweater.
    Your car helps you plan your trip south.
    Paris starts cracking in the cold.
    The Finns stand in line at the hotdog stands.
  • -50/-45 C
    Congressional hot air freezes.
    Alaskans close the bathroom window.
    Polar Bears start evacuating the North Pole.
    The Finnish army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather.
  • -80/-62 C
    Hell freezes over.
    Polar bears move south.
    Green Bay Packer fans order hot cocoa at the game.
    Santa’s home freezes.
    The Finns rent a movie and stay indoors.
  • -90/-68 C
    Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
    The false Santa moves south.
    Finns can’t store their Kossu outdoors any longer.
    The Finnish army goes out on winter survival training.
  • -100/-73 C
    Canadian buildings turn off air conditioning.
    The Finns start saying, “Perkele, it’s cold outside today.”.