A Jedi Knight Might Be a Redneck If…

  • if he uses his light saber to cut the bottlecap off a beer
  • if he says “these are not the beers you’re looking for”
  • if that “Disturbance in the Force” was just last night’s baked beans and spare ribs
  • if the inside of the house looks more like Dagobah than the outside
  • if he calls his young apprentice, “Juner(JR)”
  • if he ever uses telekinesis to pull his jeans up
  • if the Force isn’t the only thing that runs in the family
  • if he calls Hank Williams Jr. “Master”
  • if his landspeeder has a gun rack
  • if he meditiates to old CCR records
  • if he calls Yoda his Li’l green buddy.
  • if he has ever said, “Anger… fear…aggression… Yankees…the dark side are they.”
  • if his X-Wing has a still in it
  • if his light saber has a beer can crusher in the base
  • if there is more oil on his robes than in his astromech droid
  • if his robes have the Golden Flour label on them
  • if he trim his beard and finds a Mynock
  • if he has ever used a light saber to light the barbecue grill
  • if he uses Jawas for a drink holder
  • if he fights with a light saber in one hand and a spit cup in the other
  • if he uses a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck
  • if he uses his Jedi healing powers to clear up his VD
  • if he thinks the best use of your light saber is picking his teeth
  • if he ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because he had to spit.
  • if his Jedi robe is Camouflage colored
  • if at least one wing of his X-Wing is primer colored
  • if he can easily describe the taste of an Ewok
  • if he can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks
  • if he think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets
  • if he has ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling
  • if his father ever said to him, “Shoot, son, come on over t’ the dark side…it’ll be a hoot.”
  • if he’s ever had his R-2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light
  • if he jump-starts his lightsaber off a car battery
  • if he beat the Gamorrean Guard in an “Ugly” contest
  • if his father’s name is Garth Vader
  • if he got his light saber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids
  • if he’s ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin at his sister
  • if he constantly mistakes R2 units for beer kegs
  • if he counts B. O. as a Jedi power
  • if he’s ever used a light saber to skin a deer