Aphorisms

  • 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  • Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
  • The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
  • Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels aren’t sucked into jet engines.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  • Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  • Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
  • To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
  • Two wrongs are only the beginning.
  • The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
  • Change is inevitable…. except from vending machines.
  • Don’t sweat petty things…. or pet sweaty things.
  • Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
  • It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.