- “How the HELL do they expect me to support my wife AND my girlfriend on just $5 million a year?!”
- “Be honest. Don’t these pants make my butt look HUGE?”
- “Does this look infected to you?”
- “Has anyone here ever SEEN a football?” (Giants and Jets camps only)
- “Hey, I said XXXXL! Do I *LOOK* like I wear a XXXXXL?!?”
- “Look, kid… no $100, no autograph. Now get lost, ya little leech!”
- “Listen, rookie, there’s a big difference between a sportsman-like pat on the ass and copping a feel!”
- “Idiot! Wilhelm Tiselius was Europe’s foremost biochemist! What the hell’d they teach in college?”
- “Has anyone seen my spleen?”
- “That’s chump change! *My* contract caused a $5.00 jump in ticket prices.”
- “Fellas, be reasonable. Everybody can’t room with Irvin.”
- “Quick! Pull my finger!”
- “No, no, no. It’s RIGHT hand out palm down, THEN left hand out palm down…”
- “Hey Rookie, go run an Irvin and meet us back at the hotel.”
- “Dammit! I just finished paying for that knee!”
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