Janet Reno’s Pet Peeves

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• Having to brush up on Spanish just to read hate mail.
• Armed troops + civilian resistance = Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork.
• In the Elian TV movie, she’ll likely be played by John Lithgow.
• When she gets angry, she turns green and muscles burst through clothes just dry-cleaned.
• No one believes, “It was a chocolate gun pointed at Elian’s head.”
• Whenever she calls “Playboy” and offers to pose, Hefner’s “in a meeting.”
• Saying, “It’s the tear gas” when crying at “Erin Brockovich.”
• When Lenscrafters runs out of gigantic, outdated, poorly-fitted frames.
• Men who feel inadequate when she brings battering ram into bedroom.
• Constant political pressure to reunite Hall and Oates.