To the citizens of the United States of America:
Following your failure to elect anybody, either a half decent candidate or a B-movie actor as President of the USA to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume a monarch’s duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please comply with the following acts:
- Look up “revoke” in a dictionary
- Learn at least the first 4 lines of “God Save the Queen”
- Start referring to “soccer” as football
- Declare war on Quebec and France
- Arrest Mel Gibson for treason
- Learn to play cricket
- Enjoy warm flat beer and British cuisine
- July 4th is no longer a public holiday
- All members of this British Crown Dependency will be required to take 6 weeks annual vacation and observe statutory tea breaks
- Driving on the left is now compulsory
Tax collectors from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your cooperation and… have a jolly nice day and incidentally, Thanksgiving is not to be a legal holiday anymore.