REVEALS LOVE TRYST WITH GILLIGAN, PROFESSOR
The diary of Eunice “Lovey” Howell was sold at Christie’s auction house today to a representative of Professor Roy Hinkley, Ph.D., during a sealed bid.
Hinkley, known as The Professor, was trying to keep the stories of his love affair with the wife of Thurston Howell III while shipwrecked on a deserted island a secret.
But investigators for Fox News and the Jerry Springer Show blew the lid off of the steamy memoirs. Page after lurid page of secret meetings with “My Bendy Boy, sweet Gilligan” and “Rocket Man”, an obvious reference to the Professor.
Reached at the Pacific Bay Retirement Home, Willy Gilligan was asked about his affair with “Lovey”. “She was a wild woman. Thurston couldn’t handle her. She was too much woman for him. We used to sneak off down to the lagoon when everyone else was asleep. Everyone thought I was doing Mary Ann, but, it was the Skipper she had the hots for. Go figure.”
Gilligan admitted Mrs. Howell had used some of Thurston’s own money to set up a trust fund for Gilligan so he could live out his days in comfort once they returned to the mainland. He confesses that he was angry when he found out about Mrs. Howell’s additional affair with The Professor, but has come to grips with it.
“You see, all Thurston thought about was money. Stock markets. I was her lover because I had youth and stamina. The Professor, though, he taught her things. He showed her how to build a nuclear reactor from a coconut. He taught her how to extract gold from seawater using nothing but a papaya. That always got her hot. The more I think about it, the more I truly believe the reason the Professor could never fix the boat was because he was boning Mrs. Howell.”