1. I have moss growing:
   a. In my garden
   b. In my bathroom
   c. In my kitchen
   d. On my teeth
2. When I open my mouth at parties, people:
   a. Listen
   b. Ease away slowly
   c. Stuff a live weasel down my throat
3. I think computers are:
   a. Uninteresting
   b. Interesting
   c. Too damn small for the stuff I want to do
4. I think sheep are:
   a. Uninteresting
   b. Interesting
   c. Annoyingly far away from where I live
5. The Usenet Oracle is:
   a. A pack of weenies who think about “Lisa” way too much
   b. Interesting
   c. Not appreciative of the great answers I write; the Priesthood is out to get me
6. The gender I desire to have sexual relations with is
   a. Difficult to understand
   b. Impossible to understand
   c. Clearly from a different planet
   d. How should I know? I’ve only seen pictures
7. Bill Gates is:
   a. Bill who?
   b. Very wealthy
   c. Head of Microsoft, which produces some widely used products
   d. The Antichrist
8. In general, people:
   a. Like me
   b. Don’t like me
   c. People? What people?
9. My friends are:
   a. Diverse
   b. People I know from work or school
   c. Wearing the same clothing I am
10. My dream vacation is:
    a. Tibet
    b. Europe
    c. California
    d. In a room with lots of fluorescent lights and an unlimited supply of coffee
11. My job prospects are:
    a. Abysmal
    b. Adequate
    c. I’ll never be out of work, you hear me? Never!
    d. They pay people to do this?

Score 0 for each A, 1 for each B, 2 for each C, and 3 for each D.

19 or more: Yep. You’re a computer geek, all right.

13 – 18: You’re a geek of some stripe or another.

7 – 12: Probably not a geek, but watch it…

0 – 6: If you’re of the opposite sex, could you leave a note for me in the personals column? Please? Hello?