Differences in the Middle Ages if Microsoft Had Existed

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  • Chastity belts require a password rather than a key.
  • Last year’s pitchfork not compatible with this year’s hay.
  • Lord Gates claims he has no memory of any memo describing his intention to “wipeth my arse with the Magna Carta.”
  • The “Good Plague” hoax.
  • Horses routinely stop in mid-stride, and require a boot to the rear to start again.
  • The Microsoft Rack would work, but it would be 3 times larger than it should be and never completely kill anyone.
  • Forget about William Tell; William Gates shoots Apple off the head of Steve Jobs.
  • Use of a large, clumsy broadsword instead of yet-to-be-invented scissors helps explain Lord Bill’s haircut.
  • Archbishop of Canterbury gets hit in the face with a pie.
  • Stained Glass Windows MCCCXXXXV actually not released until Spring of MCCCXXXXVI.
  • The Y1K bug threatens to cripple high-tech industries, like stonemasonry and weaving.