- You’ve got enough Prozac in your purse to tranquilize King Kong.
- You really lose it whenever someone says, “Good morning.”
- You spend more time in bed than a hooker at a Shriners convention.
- You keep your house so dark that mushrooms are growing in the carpet.
- Given a choice, you’d have no preference between sex or a root canal.
- On a really bad day, you wouldn’t come to the door if it was Publishers Clearing House.
- You list Dr. Kevorkian as a character reference.
- Alcohol gives you strength and food settles your nerves.
- Your hands shake so badly that you can brush your teeth without any voluntary movement.
- You’ve cried so much that your contacts have rusted to your eyeballs.
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