Learn From Your Teenager

  • 6 alarm clocks will wake everyone in the house except a teenager.
  • 1 glass of ice water will.
  • No alarm clock is necessary for dates or concerts.
  • Music is meant to be shared with neighbors two blocks away.
  • Don’t play it backwards.
  • Expect a knock at the door with a summons to court.
  • Never start your car before the radio is turned OFF.
  • Speedometers are to test the car and see if they really go that fast.
  • Mine goes 140MPH on the straight away.
  • Teenager’s cars go faster.
  • Tires are there to leave little black marks when you peel out.
  • The bigger the black mark, the better the car.
  • A car will hold 16 people with the tailgate open.
  • More if you add one to the hood and one to the roof.
  • A car will run on fumes long enough to back out of the driveway.
  • Walking to the gas station is good exercise for you.
  • Being late for work is not good for you.
  • Teenagers are allergic to walking.
  • A clean room means a path from the door to the bed.
  • A bedroom can be cleaned in five minutes flat if they throw everything into the trash.
  • Including dirty laundry and dirty dishes.
  • The phone is always in use.
  • Extra phone lines don’t help.
  • Voice mail does. (At least you know which calls you’ve missed)
  • Teenagers want to know what calls they’ve missed, too.
  • Kool-aid is for coloring hair.
  • Trousers should be worn several sizes too big and low enough for at least 6″ of underwear to show.
  • Only one half of a wallet is for money.
  • The other half is for status symbols.
  • Condoms are status symbols.
  • The most abhorred 4 letter word is WORK! (houseWORK and homeWORK)
  • The second worst 4 letter word is HOME.
  • Windows are more useful as doors.
  • The knock at the window is always answered by a teenager.
  • The knock at the door is always an adult.
  • Police come in all shapes and sizes.
  • 3 work days a month are school holidays.
  • The house will always be redecorated when you come home from work.
  • All walls should have a window.
  • Windows are easily made with fists.
  • Violation tickets come in all shapes, colors and sizes.
  • No, all the blue tickets are not curfew violations and all the yellow tickets are not noise violations, that doesn’t even include the pink or the green ones.
  • Remove all lethal weapons from your home.
  • Schools consider paring knives lethal weapons.
  • A plastic knife will not slice butter without breaking.
  • Every parent of a teenager can add much to this list. That’s a double dog dare!!!! (If they still use that term)