6 alarm clocks will wake everyone in the house except a teenager.
1 glass of ice water will.
No alarm clock is necessary for dates or concerts.
Music is meant to be shared with neighbors two blocks away.
Don’t play it backwards.
Expect a knock at the door with a summons to court.
Never start your car before the radio is turned OFF.
Speedometers are to test the car and see if they really go that fast.
Mine goes 140MPH on the straight away.
Teenager’s cars go faster.
Tires are there to leave little black marks when you peel out.
The bigger the black mark, the better the car.
A car will hold 16 people with the tailgate open.
More if you add one to the hood and one to the roof.
A car will run on fumes long enough to back out of the driveway.
Walking to the gas station is good exercise for you.
Being late for work is not good for you.
Teenagers are allergic to walking.
A clean room means a path from the door to the bed.
A bedroom can be cleaned in five minutes flat if they throw everything into the trash.
Including dirty laundry and dirty dishes.
The phone is always in use.
Extra phone lines don’t help.
Voice mail does. (At least you know which calls you’ve missed)
Teenagers want to know what calls they’ve missed, too.
Kool-aid is for coloring hair.
Trousers should be worn several sizes too big and low enough for at least 6″ of underwear to show.
Only one half of a wallet is for money.
The other half is for status symbols.
Condoms are status symbols.
The most abhorred 4 letter word is WORK! (houseWORK and homeWORK)
The second worst 4 letter word is HOME.
Windows are more useful as doors.
The knock at the window is always answered by a teenager.
The knock at the door is always an adult.
Police come in all shapes and sizes.
3 work days a month are school holidays.
The house will always be redecorated when you come home from work.
All walls should have a window.
Windows are easily made with fists.
Violation tickets come in all shapes, colors and sizes.
No, all the blue tickets are not curfew violations and all the yellow tickets are not noise violations, that doesn’t even include the pink or the green ones.
Remove all lethal weapons from your home.
Schools consider paring knives lethal weapons.
A plastic knife will not slice butter without breaking.
Every parent of a teenager can add much to this list. That’s a double dog dare!!!! (If they still use that term)