You Know You’ve Been on AOL Too Long If…

  • Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.
  • Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL" out loud.
  • You find yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile.
  • You have called out someone’s screen name while making love to your significant other.
  • You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out".
  • Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
  • If you are male and see a female in the "Real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is to IM her.
  • If you are female and you see a male in the "Real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is that you wish he’d IM you.
  • You don’t understand the humor in the above mentioned #7 and #8 since the "real" world is at your fingertips.
  • You have to get a 2nd phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.
  • When you have sex, you no longer are concerned about sexually transmitted diseases.
  • You walk into a room, and, finding that it has more than 23 people, you inform management that there is an error.
  • When looking at signs, you wonder why they are always "yelling" at you.
  • You go up to people you are attracted to "in real life" and ask them for their GIF.
  • Although you don’t know what they look like, you become insanely jealous of people hitting on your cyber-love.
  • You don’t even know what your cyber-love looks like.
  • When at work, your boss constantly reminds you that the word i should be capitalized.
  • You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.
  • Your spouse now complains of you moving your fingers in your sleep instead of talking.
  • Your kids are eating cereal morning, noon, and night.
  • When someone says, "What did you say?" you reply, "Scroll up!"
  • You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep.
  • You turn down the lights & close the blinds so people won’t know you’re on-line again.
  • You know more about your AOL friends’ daily routines than you do your own spouse’s.
  • You find yourself lying to others about your time on-line & when they complain that your phone was busy you claim it was off the hook.
  • You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to your own.
  • You would rather tell people that your bloodshot eyes are from partying too much than the truth (online all night).
  • You change your screen names so much that you have to look at your own profile to see who you are.
  • You go into labor and you stop to type a special E-mail to let everyone know you’re going to be away and how you’re feeling.
  • You marry your cyberboyfriend/girlfriend and you both sit at your own computers & chat to each other every night from across the room.
  • You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at the same time.
  • You understand the humor in all of these jokes because you have committed then yourself!
  • Your dog leaves you.
  • You are doing things more and more that you swore you would never do when you first got online.
  • You sign on & immediately get 10 IMs from people who have you on their buddy list.
  • You have a map on the wall w/ LOTS of red thumbtacks to mark where people are you have met.
  • You look at an annoying person off-line & wish you had your ignore button handy.
  • You bring a bag lunch & a cooler to the computer.
  • Your significant other kisses your neck while you’re chatting and you think, "Uh oh, cyber sex perv".
  • You go thru "withdrawal" if you are away from the computer for more than a few hours.
  • Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.
  • You understand what BIF ISO BIM means.
  • You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get online before you have your first cup of coffee.
  • You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake.
  • You have your computer set so it goes directly into AOL’s welcome screen.
  • You wait 6 hours online for a certain "special" person to come home from work.
  • You don’t know where the time has gone.
  • You end sentences with 3 (or more) periods while writing letters by hand.
  • Your relationship online has gone farther than any real one you have ad.
  • You get up at 2 am to go to the bathroom but turn on the computer instead.
  • You don’t even notice anymore when someone has a typo.
  • You enter a room & 23 people greet you w/ {{hugs}} or **kisses**.
  • You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme.
  • Your voicemail/answering machine message is "BRB, leave your s/n & I will TTYL".
  • You type faster than you think.
  • You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL too & are now undergoing therapy in private rooms instead of at his office.
  • You want to be buried with your computer when it dies or vice versa.
  • You actually enjoy the fact that you are addicted.
  • You can actually read & follow all the names of the cast that scrolls up your TV screen at the end of a movie.
  • People say, "If it weren’t for your super reflexes in your eyes and fingers, you would have been classified as a vegetable!"
  • You dream in "text".
  • Being called a Newbie is a "MAJOR" insult.
  • There is absolutely no interesting chat in any room & you’re really bored.
  • You don’t want to leave in case you miss something.
  • You double click your TV remote.
  • You can now type over 70 wpm.
  • You think about starting a 12-step recovery group for AOL junkies.
  • You are on the phone a minute & need to do something else & say "BRB" or "BBL".
  • You check your E-mail and forget you have real mail (a.k.a. snail mail).
  • You go into withdrawals during dinner.
  • You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to everyone in a room.
  • You stop speaking in full sentences.
  • You have gone into an unstaffed Tech Support room & ended up "giving" tech support to other AOLers.
  • You have to be pried from your computer by the "Jaws of Life".
  • Your last sexual experience was really just a "textual" experience.
  • You know what a "snert" is.
  • You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted to "check your mail" & while there you "just wanted to see who was online".
  • You meet people from AOL in public & you have no idea what their real name is, so you call them by their screen name.
  • You’ve even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to-face.
  • When seeing someone you wish to meet, your second thought is wishing they’d be on AOL so you don’t have to meet them in person.
  • You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it.
  • You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or complete sentences.
  • You have met over 100 AOLers.
  • When meeting a stranger, you ask for their profile. If they have a profile you ask them for an age/sex/location check.
  • You understand the humor in all of this.
  • You keep telling yourself to Get a Life.
  • When someone online says BRB, gotta go pee, you ask them to go for you, and think they can.