- Charmin: “Butt… Wipe… Err.”
- Microsoft: “How much are you going to pay today?”
- Eggs: “The Incredible Edible Ovum.”
- MTV: “Loud and easy to spell.”
- Saks 5th Avenue: “You Could Shop Here if You’re Poor, But That Would be Stupid!”
- Iguana: “The other green meat.”
- Penis Enlargement Specialists: “It Don’t Mean a Thing If It Ain’t Got That Swing!”
- Nike: “Just buy the damn shoes, you flabby spineless lump!”
- Daisy Air Rifles: “Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years.”
- Canon Photocopiers: “Quit calling them Xeroxes, dammit!”
- Pepto Bismol: “Squash the Squirts!”
- Trojans: “Just add meat.”
- Apple MacIntosh: “Hey, we thought of it first!”
- Radio Shack: “You’ve got questions, we’ve got geek losers!”
- Professional Bowling on NBC: “Oh, why don’t you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?”
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