How to Tell You’re an Email Junkie

  • You wake up at 3 am to go the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
  • You name your children Eudora, Aol and Dotcom.
  • You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  • You spend half of the plane ride with your laptop on your lap…and your child in the overhead compartment.
  • You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
  • You laugh at people with 33.6 baud modems.
  • You start using smileys in your snail mail.
  • You find yourself typing “com” after every period when using a word processor.com
  • You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
  • You can’t call your mother…she doesn’t have a modem.
  • You check your mail. It says “no new messages.” So you check it again.
  • You don’t know what gender three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral screen names and you never bothered to ask.
  • You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
  • You tell the cab driver you live at http://1000.edison.garden/house/brick.html.
  • You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
  • After reading this message, you immediately email it to a friend.
  • After forwarding this to everyone in your address book, you share it on Facebook.