How to Photograph a New Puppy

  • Remove film from box and load camera.
  • Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash.
  • Remove puppy from trash, brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
  • Choose a suitable background for photo.
  • Mount camera on tripod and focus.
  • Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
  • Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
  • Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
  • Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
  • Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
  • Put cat outside, put peroxide on the scratch on puppy’s nose.
  • Put magazines back on coffee table.
  • Try to get puppy’s attention by squeaking toy over your head.
  • Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
  • Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, “No, outside! No, outside!”
  • Clean up mess.
  • Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy “sit” and “stay” soon.