- Amnesia
A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
- Bottle
An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am to do the feeding
- Defense
What you’d better have around the yard if you’re going to let de children play outside.
- Drooling
How teething babies wash their chins.
- Dumbwaiter
One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
- Family
The art of spacing your children the proper planning distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
- Feedback
The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
- Full Name
What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
- Grandparents
The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
- Hearsay
What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
- Impregnable
A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
- Independent
How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
- Look Out!
What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it
- Prenatal
When your life was still somewhat your own.
- Prepared
A contradiction in terms, especially in terms of childbirth
- Puddle
A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
- Show Off
A child who is more talented than yours.
- Sterilize
What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it
- Storeroom
The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.
- Temper Tantrums
What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
- Top Bunk
Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
- Verbal
Able to whine in words
- Weaker Sex
The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
- Whodunit
None of the kids that live in your house.
- Whoops
An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”
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