The Real Meaning Behind Those Personal Ads

  • 40-ish
    48
  • Adventurer
    Has had more partners than you ever will
  • Athletic
    Flat-chested
  • Average looking
    Ugly
  • Beautiful
    Pathological liar
  • Contagious Smile
    Bring your penicillin
  • Educated
    College dropout
  • Emotionally Secure
    Medicated
  • Feminist
    Fat; ball buster
  • Free spirit
    Substance user
  • Friendship first
    Trying to live down reputation as slut
  • Fun
    Annoying
  • Gentle
    Comatose
  • Good Listener
    Borderline Autistic
  • New-Age
    All body hair, all the time
  • Old-fashioned
    Lights out, missionary position only
  • Open-minded
    Desperate
  • Outgoing
    Loud
  • Passionate
    Loud
  • Poet
    Depressive Schzophrenic
  • Professional
    Real Witch
  • Redhead
    Shops the Clairol section
  • Reubenesque
    Grossly Fat
  • Romantic
    Looks better by candle light
  • Voluptuous
    Very Fat
  • Weight proportional to height
    Hugely Fat
  • Wants Soulmate
    One step away from stalking
  • Widow
    Nagged first husband to death
  • Young at heart
    Toothless crone