Why It’s Great to be a Guy

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• Phone conversations last 30 seconds.
• You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes.
• A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
• You can open all your own jars.
• Old friends don’t care if you’ve lost or gained weight.
• When clicking through the channels you don’t have to stop on every shot of someone crying.
• You don’t have to lug a bag of “necessary” items with you everywhere you go.
• You can go to the bathroom alone.
• Your last name stays put.
• You can leave a hotel room bed unmade.
• You can kill your own food.
• The garage is all yours.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• You see the humor in “Terms of Endearment.”
• Cleaning the toilet is optional.
• You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend.
• Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3.
• None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
• You don’t have to shave below your neck.
• You don’t have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night.
• If you’re 34 and single, no one notices.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
• Flowers and/or Duct Tape fix everything.
• You never have to worry about other’s feelings.
• Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
• You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
• You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• You don’t care if someone doesn’t notice your new haircut.
• You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking, “He must be mad at me.”
• One mood, all the time.
• You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him.
• Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
• Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100 bucks.
• You don’t care if someone is talking behind your back.
• You don’t pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else’s.
• The remote is yours and yours alone.
• You need not pretend you’re “freshening up” when you go to the bathroom.
• If you don’t call your buddy when you said you would, he won’t tell your friends you’ve changed.
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
• If something mechanical didn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
• New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny.
• If you retain water, it is in a canteen.