You Know You’re Not in College Anymore When…

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  • You wake up at 6 am instead of going to bed.
  • Beers at lunch get you reprimanded.
  • College sweatshirts are casual instead of formal.
  • Your parents charge rent.
  • The four food groups are no longer beer, pizza, pot and cereal.
  • It’s “getting late” when it’s 9:30 pm.
  • Three words: Student Loan Payments.
  • You make thousands of dollars a year and still can’t afford that Porsche.
  • You start eyeing the light beer section with more appreciation.
  • Tackle football games mean that at least one person will be in the hospital by game’s end.
  • You used to discuss GPA’s, spring break plans, and ‘tonsil hockey’, but now you discuss mutual funds, interest rates, and wedding plans.
  • Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
  • Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 pm.
  • Sneakers are now ‘weekend shoes’.
  • Dinner and a movie – The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
  • Pregnancy now brings thought of tax deductions instead of coronaries.
  • Jack and Cokes become Dewers on the Rocks.
  • The only drugs you take are Tums and Tylenol.
  • The weak single you hit in the intramural softball game is now remembered as a Varsity dinger for the League Championship.
  • You get your news from sources other than USA Today, ESPN Sportscenter, and MTV News.
  • Random hook-ups are no longer socially acceptable.
  • You wear more ties in a week than you even owned while in college.
  • You find yourself reminiscing fondly of 2-hour Calculus exams.
  • You empathize with the characters from ‘Friends’.
  • METABOLISM SLOWDOWN.
  • Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone’s Farm and Mad Dog.
  • You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
  • Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.
  • When drinking, you say at least once per night, “I just can’t put it down the same as I used to”.
  • Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work, not video games.
  • You’re actually willing to pay a bit more to drink in a bar that’s not full of 21-year-old kids.
  • Golf is beginning to seem a lot less silly.

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