What is Said Versus What is Meant

  • While on routine patrol…
    I was in the car because the coffee shop was closed.
  • The motorist was operating his vehicle in a reckless manner
    He had a bumper sticker that said “SLOW DOWN-DON’T FEED THE PIGS”
  • The accident scene and the safety of the victims prevented this officer from doing traffic control.
    It was raining.
  • This officer went out-of-service to obtain intelligence information from a street informant.
    It was too hot to ride in the car.
  • I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious manner…
    The dirt-bag let go with an “Oink” as I walked by.
  • Knowing the suspect had a criminal history…
    He puked on my uniform one night…
  • The informant is of known credibility and has provided reliable information in the past…
    I’ve got two theft cases hanging over his head…
  • While being arrested, this subject resisted being injured in the act…
    He ripped my shirt and broke my new mirror sunglasses…
  • The motorist was cited for multiple traffic violations…
    I wrote one citation for each swear-word he used…
  • Upon announcing my title and purpose, I heard a voice from inside the house say “Come in” so this writer entered through the door…
    The rock music was so loud they wouldn’t have heard Patton’s army so I kicked in the door.
  • The members of the press at the scene were offered every courtesy within departmental policies…
    I sent then to a nonexistent address which I called the “Command Post”.
  • I gave the motorist a verbal warning for speeding…
    She was a good-looking blonde who owned a liquor store and who was free after my shift was over.
  • The Chief appeared at the scene and took command…
    I sent him to the same address as the reporters.
  • Further interview of the witness was impossible, due to conditions.
    It was my bowling night…
  • The motorist eyes were glassy, he had slurred speech , was unsteady on his feet, and smelled strongly of an alcoholic beverage.
    He was howling at the moon and trying to drive the car from the back seat.
  • Using only enough force to restrain the subject…
    My favorite song is “Drop-kick me Jesus Through the Goal Post of Life”
  • The defendant asked this officer’s advice on how to act before the judge at his arraignment…
    I told him he didn’t have the balls to call the judge the same name he called me.