Rep. Henry Hyde is the son of Damyer Hyde and Jan Ewainne Cow Hyde.

The elder Hyde was in the dam construction business and married the daughter of the Cow family who were in the leather goods business. Henry married Tanya Goddam who became Tanya Goddam Hyde.

The congressman and his spouse had three children; a son named Seymore Hyde and two daughters – Jeckylanne Hyde and Nowareta Hyde.

Seymore Hyde and his wife Notta Thinkta Hyde started a company manufacturing bikini swimwear.

Jeckylanne suffered from dual personality, she married Upton Ward Bound and soon hyphenated her name becoming Hyde-Bound.

Nowarta married a criminal type named Ididen Dewit Dammit and became Nowarta Hyde Dammit. After a crime spree they made the FBI’s ten most wanted list.

You forgot to mention his sister, the chemist who invented the toothpaste additive which bears her name – Flor Hyde.

I understand the family has gone into the tuxedo and evening gown business. They call their store Formal De Hyde.

And their nephew, N. Augie Hyde, is in the automobile upholstery business.

Let’s not forget:

• The cousin who rents out a lakefront cottage: Waters Hyde.
• The niece who recently called Dr. Kevorkian: Sue S. Hyde.
• The twin uncles who are fungus exterminators by day and party animals by night: Fun Guys Hyde.
• And their long-ago ancestors, contemporaries of Julius Caesar: The Hydes of March

Then there was the branch of the family that went into journalism, specifically the advertising end of it. They had to learn the biz first, so they hired a tutor. They were known, of course, as The Class of Hydes.

Did you know that one of the Hyde family plans to attend the Arabian Ball we talked about here? Yes, he plans to play a game of Hyde and Sheik.

There was the entrepreneur member of the family who built a retreat for dieters up in the mountains called The Hyde a Weigh.

If the Beverly Hills Madam married into the clan she’d be Heidi Hyde Ho.

Oh, and let’s not forget the brother who went into the business of manufacturing poisons. He hated to be in such a gloomy line of work and was forever emitting despairing sounds over his lot in life. He was known, of course, as Sighin’ Hyde.

The son who stayed up all night cramming for a final: “Red” Hyde.

The grandfather who, after retirement, watched so much TV that he injured his vision: Pop Hyde.

The daughter whose beauty was so great that she was idolized: Dee F. Hyde.

The tall brother who was so much under the moon’s influence: “Height” Hyde.

The daughter who was easily appeased: Molly F. Hyde.

The cousin whose membership in the family was challenged, but who proved his authenticity as a relative. Because he had little fat on him, he was known by his nickname: “Bony” F. Hyde.

The sister who chose the wrong side in an argument: Miss L. Hyde.

If you wonder who fathered Ms. Dittle, little kitten, the fiddler reports that Hyde Diddled Diddle.

I was wondering why nobody had remembered that most glorious track star, now so shamed by the Salt Lake City Olympic scandal that he’s in hyding, and nobody in the family knows how to get into touch with Runnin’ Hyde.

And don’t forget the more pastoral branch of the tree–that sweet li’l girl with her goats, innocent young Hydi.

Cohen’s Hyde-Ntally, I shouldn’t C-Hyde you for not mentioning the following family members:

• The bank robbers: Bonnie ‘n Clhyde.
• The daughter of a Civil War general (on the Northern side): Amber Rose Burns Hyde.
• The famous recording artist: Flips Hyde.
• All the cousins who live down by the Rivers Hyde.