Category Archives: Say What???

The 4 Types of Chain Letters

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There are four basic types of chain letters:

Chain Letter Type I

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who as no arms, no legs, no parents, and no pecker. This little boy’s life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Starving Legless Armless Parentless Peckerless Little Boys from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent. So go on, reach out.

Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly and a mad goat will rape your dead body. Thanks again!!

Chain Letter Type lI: Make a wish!!!

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Really, go on and make one wish!!!

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Oh please, s/he’ll never go out with you!!!

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Wish something else!!!

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Not *that* either, you pervert!!

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Is your finger getting tired yet?

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You Can Stop now moron!!!!!!!!

Wasn’t that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here’s what I’ll do. First of all, if you don’t send this to a certain number of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It’s true! Because, you know, THIS letter isn’t like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here’s how it goes.

Send this to 1 person: One person will be upset with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be upset with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

5-10 people: 5-10 people will be upset with at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

10-20 people: 10-20 people will be upset with at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

20 to 674,951 1/2 people: 20 to 674,951 1/2 people will be upset with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

Chain Letter Type III

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

Queer Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the side walk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

Queer Horror Story #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it . Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way, especially at Oklahoma City University). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!

Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.

Of course, there’s the guy in Peoria Illinois who DID forward this on and then he married his secret crush, they moved to the suburbs, had 2.3
children and lived happily ever after.

Right up until he started working late every night, started an affair with his secretary and boozing. Then she started sleeping with the golf pro at the local country club, became addicted to sleeping pills and their 2.3 children got into gangs and drugs. Then everything went to hell, and they got divorced. She got the house and the kids, and he got the car and child support payment, and got to keep the mortgage payment, lost his job and his car and now is working the midnight shift at the local McDonald’s.

Chain Letter Type IV

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.

Friends

– A friend is someone who is always at your side,
– A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like a wet dog,
– A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re disgustingly ugly,
– A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you’ve soiled yourself,
– A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
– A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
– A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn’t speak much English no, sorry that’s the cleaning lady

Now pass this on! If you don’t, Satan will send dogs in heat to your room in your sleep!!

There. Now that we’ve covered and dumped on the four main types of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, send it on!!! If you don’t think it was funny at all, don’t bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don’t, I don’t care. Thanks!

Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.

TRASH IT!!! If it’s a joke or something, send it, sure! Just don’t forget to delete the chain letter part. But if it’s gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of poop), just DELETE it.

Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say NO!!! to BLOODY CHAIN LETTERS!!” Thank you.”

Say What?

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All evening long four card players had been pestered by Morris, a self-proclaimed genius who commented on everyone’s poker hand and style of play. When Morris went out of the room for a moment, they hit on a plan to silence him.

“Let’s make up a game no one ever heard of,” one of them said. “Then he’ll have to shut up.”

The busybody Morris returned. The dealer tore two cards in half and gave them to the man on his left. He tore the corners off three cards and spread them out in front of the man opposite him. Then he tore five cards in quarters, gave 15 pieces to the man on his right and kept five himself.

“I have a mingle,” he said. “I’ll bet a dollar.”

“I have a snazzle,” the next man announced. “I’ll raise you two dollars.”

The third man folded without betting, and the fourth, after much deliberation, said, “I’ve got a farfle. I’ll raise you five dollars.”

Morris shook his head vehemently. “You’re crazy,” he said. “You’re never going to beat a mingle and a snazzle with a lousy farfle!”

Can I Speak to Ben, Please?

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It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang.

“Hello?” I said.

A girl’s voice came over the line. “Can I speak to Ben, please?”

I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored.

I replied, “I’m sorry, he’s not in right now. Can I take a message?”

“Do you know what time he’ll be back?” she responded.

“I think he said he’d be home around 10:00.”

Silence on the other end… a confused silence.

“Is this Steve?”

My name isn’t Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.

So I replied, “Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?”

“Well… he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him,” she said in a slightly irritated voice.

I replied, “Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00.”

A shocked voice now: “Who’s Karen?!”

“The girl he went out with.”

“I know that! I mean… who is she?”

“I don’t know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?”

“Yes… please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home.”

She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. “I sure will. Is this Jennifer?”

She exploded, “Who’s Jennifer?”

Apparently she wasn’t.

“Well… he’s going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry… it was an honest mistake.”

“Ben’s the one that’s made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she’s very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home.”

I smiled and said, “Okay, I will… but Becky isn’t going to like this…”

*Click*

Energizer Bunny Found Dead

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Today, the world was stunned by the news of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe the death occurred at approximately 8:42 P.M. last night. Best known as the irritating pink bunny who kept going and going and going, Pinky, as he was known to his friends, was alone at the time of his death. An emergency autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief medical examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone had put Mr. Bunny’s batteries in backwards and he kept coming and coming and coming.

The Braggart

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The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.”

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said… “All right. Get in!”

Ooops!

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Hey Buddy,

There was a little “incident” at your house today while you were gone. Please allow me to explain:

I was watching T.V. and I heard this beeping going off in the kitchen. The first thing I thought of was the smoke detector going off so I ran into the kitchen and checked everything out. By the time I got to the kitchen, the beeping had stopped and I couldn’t smell any smoke.

I went back to watching my movie and I kept hearing a beep every minute. I knew that the type of smoke detector that you have is the type that took a few minutes to reset itself. I kept watching my movie, and about 10 minutes later I was really getting my self in a bunchy twitch cause that beeping continued.

I paused the movie, ran out to the kitchen, unhooked the detector, and went back to the movie.

The beeping continued.

Having a college degree in electronics, I knew that the capacitors could hold a charge after the batteries were removed. About 20 minutes later, I was really getting heat stroke because I could still hear the beeping. And I got so mad, I went out and grabbed a pair of wire cutters and cut the measly spud pocket speaker off the smoke detector and left it sitting on the counter.

I sat back down and heard “beep”.

Now I was steamed. Just dang fuming. I listened to that “beep” about three more times, then I finally got a hammer and pounded the ever loving life out of your smoke detector on the counter (while I was pounding I heard “beep”).

It was really getting me mad. I sat back down and resumed the movie and sure enough “beep”. I had the wire cutters in my hand and I went out (curious to see what the heck could still be running it) and cut all the little parts into teeny tiny weenie pieces, and put half into a little plastic container and left half on the counter. I took half the parts over to the living room thinking if it beeps I know it’s these, and half the parts I left on the counter knowing it would be them.

In moments I heard the parts in the kitchen beep. So I took them into the living room and spread them on the table, staring at them, saying to myself “the part that beeps, will get smashed” Not three seconds later, the parts I just had, now on the counter in the kitchen beeped. I was furious. I thought to myself, (his smoke detector is possessed). I brought all the parts into the living room and laid them out on the coffee table. I was staring at them, just waiting for one of them to beep so I could smash the snot out of it.

All of a sudden, I hear “beep”, but it was coming from the kitchen. I walked out there, all freaked out. I just waited.. and waited.. it seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds later, I heard the mystifying “beep” coming from your jacket. I looked in the jacket and it was your beeper that you had left at home by accident. All I could do was take my hammer and beat the ever loving snot out of your beeper because I was the one who paged you.

I’ll Have to Call You Back

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I was in in the public restroom – I barely sat down when I heard a voice in the other stall: “Hi, how are you?”
Me: embarrassed, “Doin’ fine!”
Stall: “So what are you up to?”
Me: “Uhhh, I’m like you, just sitting here.”
Stall: “Can I come over?”
Me: (attitude) “No, I’m a little busy right now!!”
Stall: “Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!