- “Don’t you have some laundry to do, or something?”
- “No, really, I was laughing about…this joke I heard one time.”
- “Ooh, you are so cute when you get all upset.”
- “You’re just upset because your caboose is starting to spread.”
- “Wait a minute, I get it… What time of the month is it?”
- “Are you gonna cry? {Force lip to quiver mockingly} Cry for your mommy?”
- “You sure you don’t want to consult the great Oprah on this one?”
- “Sorry, I was just picturing you naked.”
- “That reminds me. Next time you go to the store, could you add ‘giant cork’ to the shopping list?”
- “Whoa, time out honey, Frasier’s back.”
- “Looks like someone had an extra bowl of Bitch Flakes this morning.”
- “Is there anyway we could do this via e-mail?”
- “Hey baby, if I want a lecture about commitment, I can get one from my real wife.”
- “I could so use some oral sexual stimulation right now.”
- “Whom are you kidding? We both know that thing isn’t loaded.”
- Still trying to untangle the Christmas lights from the Weedwhacker.
- The pool boy shows up with a backhoe.
- Putting on last year’s bathing suit requires Vaseline and a shoe horn.
- Used all your bikini wax to polish your hardwood floors during the winter.
- Your new batch of ads featuring a pierced Joe Camel on a surfboard are three weeks behind schedule.
- Your belly has more rolls than Sara Lee, and besides, you’re still hungover from spring break.
- You refuse to visit any beach not personally guarded by David Hasselhoff.
- You’re so white, even the Boston Celtics refuse you.
- Vacation plans include a ValueJet flight to a Club Med Zaire.
- Recent guilty verdict on all 11 counts means
you can kiss that Summer Patriot Training Camp trip goodbye.
- Without flood relief from slow Congress, you’re still *living* in your bass boat.
- Despite therapy, you’re still not prepared for the coming endless airplay of “Kokomo.”
- The sun’s reflection off your phosphorescent white skin actually damaged one of Mir’s solar panels.
- Still confusing the George Clooney Batman with the Val Kilmer Batman.
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